Why hello there! I am ready to declare myself officially moved in. Here are some pictures of my new apartment along with a list of everything I love about it, which is A LOT. It’s grand. Also, please feel free to count the pieces of furniture I have bought from IKEA. What can I say? Those stylish, efficient Swedes win me over every time. It’s just my people are Nordic.

Here we go:

Office Workspace

Office Shelves

There’s a separate guest bedroom and bath (the bedroom is used as the office right now). They’re on one side of the living/dining/kitchen area, and the “master” bed and bath are on the other side. Much more privacy for guests, and much more separation of work/office from sleep/relaxation when I’m here by myself.

So Many Clothes

There’s a much bigger bedroom with a walk-in closet! Oh yes indeed! I have never had a walk-in closet before in my life and oh how much I was missing! Do I need to buy more clothes and shoes to fill it up? I feel like maybe I do.

There are also bigger bathrooms and (as expected) bigger bathroom counters. This may not sound so special, but until you have lived in a place where your bathroom counter is so precariously narrow that it is a true challenge to balance a toothbrush and some soap on the edge, and your clean toothbrush and fragile eyeglasses are always falling to the dirty ceramic tile floor, you simply cannot understand.

Room to Make a Mess!

Oh y’all, there is a LAUNDRY ROOM, where I will soon have a washer and dryer installed if it fucking kills me. I have three domestic dreams: 1) to have a washer and dryer of my own, 2) to have non-carpeted floors (literally ANYTHING other than carpet is better than carpet — live squid? BETTER THAN CARPET), and 3) to have a fenced-in yard for my army of dachshunds. I am about to make one of those dreams come true. Welling up over here.

I have much newer appliances now than before. My appliances in the old place never seemed so bad, but now I have much quieter air conditioning and a nearly silent dishwasher. The dishwasher seems a bit smaller and harder to load (wine glasses don’t fit on the top rack WHAT THE EVERLOVING FRAK), but it is so quiet that I ceased caring as soon as I first turned it on. In the old place, turning on the AC was like living through the end of the world; in the new place I thought I couldn’t turn it on at all because it was so quiet I did not realize it was already running. True story. Oh, and there’s a garbage disposal. I don’t necessarily care right now, but I’m sure this will turn out to be appreciated.

I also now am in the middle of a lovely landscaped setting with trees, a lake, gardens, dog clean-up stations, and so on. This makes a huge difference. I’d love to show you pictures but it seems dumb to post photos of the outside of my house, you know? Just imagine: pine, crepe myrtle, lavender.

We have an outgoing mail box for sending mail. No, I did not have that at the old place. Yes, I had to go to the post office to send mail. I know. WHISKEY. TANGO. FOXTROT. I’m pretty sure I now have the minimum postal mail service allowable by law at a residence. Congratulations to me.

Over all, it’s a quieter setting, farther away from any busy roads, and there’s much less noise in the parking lots. Egon and I both appreciate this.

Dining Area

Living Room

I have “nice” new carpet! Like I said above, though, literally anything you can think of is better than carpet. Quicksand? Better than carpet. Piles of used and discarded biohazard sharps from the ER? Better than carpet. Still, clean carpet beats filthy mystery-stained carpet any day of the week. It’s just that’s not saying much, you know?

(GOD I LOATHE CARPET. IS THAT CLEAR? ARE YOU PICKING UP WHAT I AM LAYING DOWN? GOOD.)

(WHAT I AM LAYING DOWN? IS NOT CARPET.)

Look, Egon, Just Keep the Carpet Nice, Okay?

There is higher quality paint. Yes, this matters. It is not dry, porous paint that will soak up any stain or smudge. I think it is actually washable paint! (Will have to check.) But with a dog and a bike and a clumsy nature, this is appreciated.

I have a private porch with sliding glass doors! So lovely! I would like to get some chairs and a little table for out there. On the list.

Oh, there is a window in my bedroom! My previous bedroom was an all-interior room with no windows in it at all. I have come to find out that this is against fire code in new buildings, but I guess my old, shitty apartment building got grandfathered in as a safety hazard and general craphole. Lucky them! Anyway, I grew to love the dark cave of my old bedroom, but it looks like I will still be able to sleep in late without the sun blinding me in the morning at the new place. As long as I close the blinds tightly (and maybe add some curtains?) it’s quite nice. BUT! I have the option of sun and ventilation in there if/when I want. Excellente.

Dressers

Natural Light?!

I’m “in the neighborhood”! I used to live in walking distance of campus and downtown and I don’t anymore, but I now live in walking distance of several of my good friends! This is just as good if not better.

Now of course there are some minuses to the new apartment. I am going to keep it positive though, because I think I have solved all of these potential problems, so they really are/were only temporary minuses:

This is odd, but I have almost no overhead lights. The bedrooms and living room have none. What is up with that? I have added lamps and am starting to figure out which wall outlets are connected to the lightswitches, so this should be no big deal.

Bad, Bad Chandelier.

One of the few overhead lights was a very, very bad chandelier. Oh my DOG, I hated it. This kind of thing is exactly the OPPOSITE of my style (assuming I can be said to have “a style,” but still). Moving seems like the perfect time to experiment with electrical work, does it not?

A New Light

Thanks to IKEA and the patience and expertise of my good friend B., I now have a super modern, cool pendant lamp over my dining table. I never would have attempted changing out a ceiling-wired chandelier myself, but B. had experience doing a celing fan before (MAJOR job, much more complex than just a light) and she was confident we could manage it. A couple of false starts and adjustments were necessary, but it turned out FANTASTIC! I’m so glad I considered the daunting idea and got the help I needed (something I normally wouldn’t do because I hate asking for help). Thank you, B.!

A Wine Rack Will Improve This

Tiny Kitchen

I do have a smaller kitchen here. I got used to having space to roam in my old kitchen and I was worried when I saw the little nook of a kitchen here. Luckily, this problem was mostly an illusion: I have about the same amount of counter and cabinet space; it’s just arranged in a tighter configuration. I will just have to get good and cozy with any future cooking partners. Heh.

Oh, so there is a locking doorknob — I mean in addition to the main deadbolt lock on the front door. I already locked myself out once when I was alone, and a second time when W. was inside and could let me in. I am used to having a front door I could ONLY lock from outside when I had the key. With this doorknob, it’s possible to lock the knob, leave without your keys, and be screwed! My plan is to give all my good friends a spare key, hide a spare somewhere nearby (LIKE I’M TELLING YOU WHERE, INTERNET BURGLARS!), and just drill it into my brain to check the knob when I leave on typically keyless trips like walking the dog or taking out trash. Do you have any tips on training my brain not to lock myself out?

Well, I think that wraps it! After living in my previous apartment for four years, it is a true novelty to have moved somewhere else. Back in graduate school I used to move more frequently, but now I feel quite old and staid and resistant to change, so I am pretty sure I would like to stay here forever. Even counting my childhood homes, it is the nicest place I have ever lived. I am never leaving. I’m just going to go chain myself to the water heater right now, but don’t worry: I will still be able to check comments and Twitter. So tell me: what is your favorite thing about the place you currently live?