Festive Weekend Antics

Posted on December 5, 2011 by KO

Well, it’s That Time of Year. Finals week has begun as of today, and I have basically finished my holiday decorating. What this means is this: while I still have plenty of work left to do for the semester (what with giving final exams and grading of said exams and grading of essays and averaging of grades and easing of students’ frayed nerves and handling of students’ complaints), I have mentally declared myself finished with the semester and am already in full holiday mode (like you didn’t see this coming).

This is an odd place to be. So much work, on the one hand, and a steady influx of jazzy holiday tunes, festive beverages, flannel pajamas, and peppermint-based candy, on the other hand. At least I am adequately fueled with sugar for the work ahead.

As you can see, the holidays are making everyone a little goofy. The dogs are vigilant in the kitchen and dancing for treats, and someone feels the need to photobomb my daily Project365 picture. In all seriousness, the dogs had woken us up at 7:00 Sunday morning to go outside, so we decided as long as we were up we would get on the task of making cinnamon rolls and mimosas, which we ate while watching Cannonball Run. At 7:30 AM. And then proceeded to nap on the couch.

The weekend was spent being almost exclusively lazy, as has become the norm. Saturday morning I got up early to go race a 10K with Brunbec and Jenniac (recap to come when official results and, hopefully, photos are available), but after that I indulged in plenty of relaxation. We lounged and relaxed with the dogs and generally were very merry indeed. W and I have been watching season one of Torchwood, which I really love (although not as much as Doctor Who, but that probably goes without saying), and have occasionally been putting on old Christmas episodes of our favorite shows for a bit of something festive.

Speaking of festive, I am really happy with how my tree and decorations came out. I have had the idea for years now to make cut-out paper snowflakes to hang from the ceiling, and this year I finally executed it! It looks so great in person, but was annoyingly difficult to photograph. This collage-style Instagram manged to capture the overall effect better than any of my DSLR images:

So much fun! I feel like leaving them up indefinitely (though I likely won’t). We also took some photos of the dogs in front of the Christmas tree, because, let’s face it, when you have dogs as cute as these three, there is really no other choice.

W’s dogs Piper (Chihuahua) and Oliver (Jack-Russell/Shih-Tsu mix) are so darn photogenic; it’s easy to get great photos of them. Egon, with his black fur, presents more of a challenge, but I think I managed well enough.

Today it was back to work, of course, and I’ve been crossing things off my to-do list with a vengeance. Well, more accurately, I have been delicately tapping in the check-box on my iPhone “Reminders” app, which is surely less satisfying than really striking through a list item with the decisive stroke of the pen. In a way quite similar to how cell phones robbed us of our ability to really slam the phone receiver back down into the cradle to punctuate the end of a telephone argument, the iPhone task management apps have removed the page-ripping pen strike-out from our productivity notations. Sigh. Technology, man. First there’s being friends with your bosses, exes, and frienemies on Facebook, and now this.

In other news, next week is my birthday and I’m having a few people over for drinks and snacks. What is your favorite simple party snack? I need ideas!

Back to Reality — So Long as They Have Nog There

Posted on November 30, 2011 by KO

Thanksgiving break is long over and I am back to work in the real world. In spite of the universe trying to kill me with falling, asbestos-laden ceiling tiles in the employee bathroom and a dead hard drive on my office computer, things are going well!

The bathroom has been cleaned up, my iMac has been replaced with a newer one, and I am spending my days hard at work, staring at the screen just so:

It’s hard to tell whether I am absorbed by a brilliant student argument, a writing and research problem, or just something ridiculous somebody said on Twitter, isn’t it? But if I were a betting woman, I would place my money on the latter.

Yesterday was a great day at home: not only did I get a Christmas tree, but Egon finally got to spend his first evening out of the crate! He’s not allowed to jump up and down and on and off of the furniture due to the potential to re-injure his fragile little spine (*tear*), so I have been keeping him on a leash and (as I call it) “air-lifting” him on and off the couch as needed. He is still in the crate at night and when I’m at work, though, when he can’t be supervised.

So last night was a very cozy one indeed, with the Christmas lights on, the Hogfather streaming on Netflix, and a couch full of creatures. W was over at my place with his two dogs, so we had a dog-human-dog-human-dog double-decker club-sandwich-style arrangement going on, in which metaphor I suppose the dogs are the bread; W is the turkey, ham, and bacon; and I am the lettuce and tomato — the best part, of course.

Mmm, sandwiches.

Speaking of sandwiches, I am about to go collect a free lunch courtesy of my department at work, and tonight I hope to enjoy a very boozy and rich dinner indeed. I’ve just come from my annual health assessment/screening (for an insurance discount), and I am absolutely the picture of health. Obviously, I mean. Clearly it’s all the bourbon-spiked soy nog I’ve been dutifully consuming for the past week. Actually, I confess I have gained about 5 lbs since this time last year, but this time last year I was both recently dumped and training for a full marathon, whereas this year I am happily dating and running half as many miles. I am okay with this, especially as all of my other numbers are ideal and, more importantly, I’m not too smad* to eat. My “good cholesterol,” in fact, is so good that they “never see a number that good.” Bring on the holiday beverages and desserts, in that case!

*Name that television character and I will high five the hell out of you!

So life is grand today. I’ve got a fun creative project to grade this afternoon and some ornaments to hang up, not to mention the aforementioned free lunch to go collect, so I’d better get moving. How are you, friends?

Butt Rubbing, Stray Dogging, and Public Defecation

Posted on November 21, 2011 by KO

Friday afternoon I found myself lying naked on a table, asking a strange man to spend an hour poking, prodding, and rubbing my thighs and butt. No big deal.

Yes, I went in for a sports massage — only my second massage ever. I tend to have problems with my hips (both the glutes and the hip flexors, aka the butt and the groin) and the IT bands (the outer thigh from hip to knee), so I asked him to work these areas. Awkward.

The whole process of getting a massage is, I think, a little odd. You know what I mean? You sit around in a waiting area naked under your borrowed robe, drinking a mimosa, and waiting for your massage therapist to come get you. While you wait you “mark an X on the image [of a nude, male form] in any areas where you are experiencing pain.” This paperwork also reassures you that it is perfectly normal, nay common, to experience the following things during your massage: relaxation, drowsiness or falling asleep, emotional feelings and responses, movement of intestinal gas, and memories. Memories. Okay then.

But, of course, the massage was great. He helped me get my IT bands loosened back up and unstuck them where they had adhered to, ah, whatever other leg structures in there they weren’t supposed to adhere to. Don’t ask me, man; I’m not that kind of doctor. The massage therapist was joking around with me at the end of the massage, saying that he hoped I hadn’t come in there looking for a super-relaxing blissed-out experience (because the type of massage I got is actually somewhat painful), and even though that hadn’t been what I was looking for, I did walk out of there feeling much better and more relaxed. And my IT bands and hips are noticeably looser. Win-win.

The rest of the weekend was pretty relaxing, too. I opted not to worry at all about grading or other work, and instead devoted my time to some serious couch sitting. Not that there wasn’t some excitement to be had — on the contrary! W and I wound up encountering two different stray dogs this weekend, and trying to get them back to their owners. Friday night, after dinner, we came to my house and found a stray pit bull wandering around the lake. We could tell he had a collar, so we got him to follow the car up to my place and tried to get him to come close enough to see his tags and maybe call his owners. He was being all playful and running around goofily, though, so this took a while. When we finally got him over there, we saw that in spite of the collar, he actually had no tags! Dammit!

The fun didn’t end there, though, because the dog decided he wanted to come into my house. He could hear all three of our dogs barking inside (because OF COURSE THEY WERE) and thought, “Hey, man, cool! It’s fuckin’ PLAYTIME in there!” So we tried to get him out of the way of the door to go inside, but he wanted in (and the dogs inside wanted out), and it was just super chaotic. He was a really smart and sweet dog, though (he kept trying to open the doorknob with his paws and never behaved in a remotely aggressive manner, unless you count attempted B&E as aggressive), so we weren’t worried; we just didn’t want him coming in or them running out. So what happened? Despite our best efforts, when we opened the door and tried to body-block the big pit bull, he came in anyway. Cue instant freak out from the canines within: W’s two dogs were jumping all around him and bark-yelping, Egon was setting off the alarm system in his crate, and the pit bull was like OMFG THIS IS SO FUN! All inside my living room. Good lord.

We finally got that straightened out with the pit bull outside and our three inside, but we felt so bad because we couldn’t find the owner and didn’t know what to do. No way we could just keep him in the apartment in that situation. Hopefully he found his way back home after his big adventure.

Then, THEN! In the middle of the night, W’s dogs woke up and wanted to go out (they do this kind of often), so he’s outside with them when ANOTHER big stray dog shows up. Yes. Luckily, this story was simpler and had a happy ending: this dog’s person was out looking for her and so W was able to reunite them pretty quickly, once he got the loose dog to come over to him. I was in bed asleep so I only heard about this after the fact, but man oh man! Two stray neighborhood dogs in one night. What the hell?!

It still bothers me that the first dog, who was obviously well fed and friendly and cared for and was wearing a collar, did not have a tag with a name and phone number on it. I am a big believer in keeping Egon’s tag with my number on it on his collar at all times. I would hate to imagine what could happen to the little guy if he ever got lost and I couldn’t be contacted. What a nightmare! I also really wish we’d been able to help the first dog find his way home. Sigh.

Well, I have rambled on enough and neither of these stories really has a point, does it? How about I leave you with this question: Do any of you watch a lot of Hulu? There is a Clorox commercial that airs frequently on Hulu right now, with two dads in a park. A kid keeps bugging his dad, saying “Dad? Dad? Dad?” and the dad ignores him, only to notice later on (upon smelling something) that the kid, who is probably four or five years old, is in the process of shitting himself. The camera pans over to the kid and you see him just, well, shitting. The body tension, the facial expression, it all reads “shit.” IT IS THE MOST HORRIBLE COMMERCIAL OF ALL TIME. I am serious. I do not want to watch a human being defecate, or pretend to defecate, on camera. No. That is not okay; it is just not. Have you seen this? Can you back me? UGH.

Okay, fine; I can’t believe I did this but I actually sought out the horror on youtube in case you want to watch it. Here you go. YOU WERE WARNED.

Three Things Thursday

Posted on November 17, 2011 by KO

1. Today was the last day of teaching prior to Thanksgiving break. Hooray!

Last day of teaching before Thanksgiving. Favorite work dress and argyle tights.

As excited as I am about this, I was just not feeling like work this morning, so I psyched myself up with fashion. Favorite teaching dress + argyle tights and I was … somewhat more ready to be at work.

Normally I try to arrange things so that I don’t have any grading or other paperwork to do over the break, but this time it just didn’t quite work out, and now I have this pile of 75 literature essays staring me in the face, not to mention about a bohillion other bits of paper requiring my attention. The week of sloth (aka “leisure”) I envisioned may not come to fruition, but I surely will do my best. I am going to designate just a couple of hours each day to attacking the piles, and then I’ll be sure to designate more hours for such activities as reading, watching movies, snorgling the dog, and staring at the wall. This I do solemnly swear.

2. Egon’s walk has improved a lot, and he has passed the halfway point in his enforced crate rest. Less than two weeks to go! He no longer walks like a stumbling drunk all the time, but he does walk like a bit of a sidewinder, with one back leg taking larger steps than the other. Still not sure he could pass a road-side sobriety test, but things are improving! If I get a chance to video his walk again soon, I’ll post another clip to flickr.

3. In other creature news, the cat finally seems to have realized that the dog is confined to a crate, and therefore has been out and about more often in the house, what with the fact that no small dachshund is chasing after her. She occasionally even takes a moment to stretch out on the floor like a big goof. Right now, however, W’s two dogs are visiting and they are running crazy laps around my living room and yelping in each other’s faces while we attempt to watch the Colbert Report. Just another post-happy-hour Thursday night.

So what’s up with you today?

This Post Brought to You by: Mister Coffee, Exxon, and about Fifty Corn Tortillas

Posted on November 15, 2011 by KO

I’m sure you will all be pleased to know that I continued my plan of procrastination all weekend. Nary a single essay did I grade! “Tra la la,” I sang to myself, “Work? What work?”

Instead, I spent the weekend holed up in the apartment while someone cooked an amazing Mexican feast and we watched the second half of Doctor Who season six, the Christopher Nolan Batman movies, Dark City, and Gattaca. So that was the kind of weekend it was. Super lazy and indulgent, with a tinge of dark, dystopian sci-fi.

Come yesterday morning, however, it was time to get back to work. I had a pile of research papers to grade and six (six!) sets of quizzes also staring me in the face. And I did them. All of them. Along with a super speedy four mile run and some household puttering. I don’t know how I got all that done yesterday; honestly I have no idea. But thankfully, I did.

In a less awesome turn of events, I overslept this morning. I had just downloaded a new clock radio app for my iPhone (you can wake up to any one of thousands of radio stations, and because I am a predictable liberal intellectual nerd, I of course picked NPR), and in the process of waking up, I kept turning the volume down lower and lower until I’d managed to oversleep by half an hour. When I checked the volume it was down to zero. Oops. Guess I didn’t really want to hear that news so eagerly after all.

I quickly got dressed, slapped some makeup on, coated myself liberally in deodorant, and got ready to go in to work. The one good thing? I had programmed my coffee pot to start brewing at 6:00, so while I was busily dreaming and turning down the radio volume, it was hard at work percolating my morning dose of caffeine (or, as I like to think of it, Precious Life Juice). This is one advantage to making coffee in an electric pot rather than a French Press or a Chemex: programmed brew. Love it.

I only had one more hurdle to overcome this morning on my way to campus: I was out of gas. Fuel light on, gas needle sitting perceptibly below the “empty” line, OUT of gas. I had to stop at the station. And my gas cap would not open.

So here’s the situation: my car has that little lever near the driver’s seat that you pull in order to open the little door over the gas cap. Know what I mean? Except when I pull the little lever, the little lid does not open. It tries to open but it won’t swing all the way out. It just lifts up about a quarter inch. I’d need to pull the lever with one hand while reaching back to open the lid with the other hand. Being built much like my dachshund, however, all torso and no limbs, I am not able to reach that far. So I’m stuck trying to open the GDMF-ing gas cap with no gas in the car and no time because I’m running late to work.

Luckily, I am a problem solver with a gifted understanding of spatial relationships (just ask my high school guidance counselor). So I grabbed the seatbelt and wrapped it around the little lever near the floor of the car, used it to lift the lever with one hand, and reached back with my car key in the other hand to pry open the lid. And boom goes the dynamite. We have gas cap access.

Sometimes it’s like I do everything possible to make my own life harder: procrastinate until I have a seemingly impossible amount of work to catch up on, neglect to fill my gas tank, use an untested new alarm method on an early wake-up day. Why, self, why? Maybe sometimes I just like the challenge of racing out the door only to have to MacGyver my way across town to campus on time. Maybe I do.

Effing the Ineffable

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Category Archives: Cheese Sandwich

Festive Weekend Antics

Back to Reality — So Long as They Have Nog There

Butt Rubbing, Stray Dogging, and Public Defecation

Three Things Thursday

This Post Brought to You by: Mister Coffee, Exxon, and about Fifty Corn Tortillas